My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
