its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
