you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
be right there i have to get my cape
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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