Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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