I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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