Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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