And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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