I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
