He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
