I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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