I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
