Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
