I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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