Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
