i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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