So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
