Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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