I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
