White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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