Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
