Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
