bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
