Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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