Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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