it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
