btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
