Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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