In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
