I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
