he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
