ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
