if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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