you traded sex for a burrito?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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