i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
