my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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