I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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