So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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