Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
