It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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