all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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