I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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