i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
