I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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