I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
