Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
