I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
