there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
