So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
