How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Shame - the story of my life.
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