love makes seman taste better
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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