when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
