your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
whose parrot is this?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
