it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
