you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.