cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?