Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.