About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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