I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
