I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
