im six kinds of drunk right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.