So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
