Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
