she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
