Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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