So drunk its hurt
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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