oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
