He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my phone needs a breathalizer
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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