oh god the rape fog is back!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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