dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
