I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
