i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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