Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
