I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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