I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When did angry sex become our thing?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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