respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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