last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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